When a decision is make up in ur mind, is hard to change! but now is been shaken! I, dun noe how to put it into words!
Look at the past year till just the start of this year! one by one ppl left the team, and yet we are not making a process to anywhere! Ever wonder where the problem lies? I doubt anyone does... We should not be complacent jus becuz we won, or when we are good tat dun give us an excuse to take a break... Instead is to move on to a higher level of training...
I see the disappointment in His eyes! He look with lots of sadness, wondering where have gone wrong, is it going to be e end of our team? Haiz... he said so many captains this time round yet cannot control e team and bring the team to a higher point. Well... this make me even more disappoint in myself, is it us, or just the people! Why can't they commit more? Dun they like this sport? If No why in the first place they are here... Do they have the WANT in them or jus come here for fun, rowing, suntanned, make friends or really to achieve sumthing in their life during poly! Scolding, talking, plea and everything i guess we have done our best, but to really plea them to come isn't the best thing to do cuz is we want not they want instead!
He say: What the point for me to come training when my rowers is not there, i come because of you people... For a coach to say this out for us, is suppose to be very touch and i guess we are gulity! Each of his precious time is spend in us, rather his own family yet we go enjoy and forget the presence of his, purpose of why are we training so hard for all these years... Is ture somewhere we can be lost but...
**People is time to wake up, seeing his face, i kind of feel gulity and wish to help him! yet dun noe where to start and how to start...
In the first place should i even get it started....
What Should i do....
I know is kind of depressing to start blogging back with a sad news again after 2 months away i guess... But i m kind of really depress this time round, not myself but for my fren, goldfish!
Badly affected by receiving the news of her accident. Head down to see her with my ex classmate in e hosptial after group project on sat. Her condition isn't very good, in a bad shape...
Waiting outside e ICU room to see her, my heart fell heavy... Is fill with worries, scare and prayers for her....
Seeing her in e room, my tears jus fill my eyes, i wish to cry... but was held back, cause at this time we, as her friend got to be even stronger...All i could do is jus stand there, pray for her and tell her to be strong! In my heart, i wish to grap her up and shout at her, Wake up, u got to be strong like last time, like how i knew the girl was...In my memories of her, she is a tough girl, not gentle, rough yet strong mental and will to carry on with anything tat is not possible as long as she set her mind to do it as long as she think is possible! Motivating us n pushing us along everything...She is such a dear friend i would say yet...I can't believe such things could happen to her but Fatal things happen just right after new year! When we are having fun yet another side of the world is not...
Seeing her now lying there, I become scare... Dun noe why but jus cannot believe what happen in show or my nursing job today become so real, right infront of me and is my friend!
So is our birth n death all have time lined or is it fate to let such things happen... Must one be like this, in such a painful state and feel with remorseful for wat hav happen or really to blame no one but urself! What lies ahead for the future no one can really tell...
Now all i can do is to go visit her and pray in my heart tat she will be fine soon! The tramua and wat lead to the future we cannot predict or tell yet, therefore pls get out of danger soon goldfish!
Goldfish: If u can hear me, I wanna to tell U, U are always so strong like a cow in my heart, last time is, now also! I believe with the cow power, u shall once again get out of danger soon! Let us see the possible soon pls...
God bless Goldfish and everyone :) Lastly, Treasure the one you loved every sec, every min and not let any regrets to take place for no one can tell what will happen next moment!
Yes... can't spell it without 'U' which is me now! So i m the failure totally now!
I m such a disappointment in myself now! Not getting it yet i dun noe why is it! But i think muz be due to The same reason agaiN! I hate it... I work hard yet i fail badly again! Laugh all u wanna ppl... i m going to give up soon, for there is nothing for me to hold on anymore! The dream i wanna getting further away from me and the effort i have put in all came crushing down on to me noW! Heart feel so heavy and stress. guess Let me jus live the way i m now, feeling so useless n helpless!
Once again i m lost in direction... wish to be alone. Think of what i wannna, i now more than afraid than anyone or anything!
why am i feeling so tired... Why am i feel numb to e surroundings... Just hu can tell me why am i feeling such an uncomfortable way now... Tired***
Dream... Everyone know their dream and will reach for it, but what about mine?
I feel meaningless in everything, kill me for who i m now cause i don't like it this way!
- The PUSH is no longer there for me to reach, it only seems to be getting further from me...
So near yet so far, the harder i move forward, i m just getting tired, unable to grasp what i wanna-
Motivation, encouragment, dreams, Aim, goal...watever it is, no longer appear to me!
Flight is all i have now...
** DISAPPOINTMENT IN MYSELF**
A big clap for myself cause i make a big step out: Cutting my hair till so short... is consider damn short for me! Gosh in the first place i been thinking but i think i need a new style! Hair has been messy and no style is nice... so i thought short will be good! So much courage i took but is good... nv regret and first time my grandma say this hair good...look prettier lol. She praise me wor. haha...
Hmmm Find around for a good hairstylist cause cut short is not a joke, cannot be reversible so i must consider it carefully... lol Found a good one recommemded by chuanqin's sister... At Actpoint orchard.His name is ANSON! Come to think abt it i m fated to cut there as last time i wanna to go, just that i worried too ex but now i eventually went in! I love this haircut totally... I think suit me hehe... okie better don't zhi lian here! hehee... Hope this nice cut last me long wor :P
From this length... till
Yup is this short! haha... see the side!
Leftside is shorter than right... I love the left side cause can feel the short feeling...
My right side is longer... but very hard to maintain cause will become 'qqq...' dun give me bad hair day pls... hehe
Need to blow dry, maintain it, cannot tuck in behind my ears.! gosh... lazy person lo me yet the hairstylist tell me so many things.. but i muz do it in order not to waste my 100bucks...I think is worth it but the rebonding alittle not worth! NVm at least is a change...
**thumbs up ** With the new style, is a new joyce! I have cut away the 8years of past (hopping), include sadness! and now looking forward to future! Joyce jia you...
I m in a totally lost world! I go thru daily routine with no life... Heart seems to be numb!
Disappointed in my performance, regardless is studies, result or training! Just totally disappointed in myself...
From this length... till 
Leftside is shorter than right... I love the left side cause can feel the short feeling...
My right side is longer... but very hard to maintain cause will become 'qqq...' dun give me bad hair day pls... hehe 
