I just have just shut my mouth off... why am i talking at that point of time...Watever have happen, no one is to blame but urself! Perhaps the theory is right, when u point the finger to a person, at the same time u are pointing back 3 fingers at urself... Stupid me >_< Is damn dumb of me i think to speak up... when a person is piss, u said nothing but anger words, so it tends to be awful to others ppl ear...Arrggg...
Now I really don't know how long this things will take to heal back but the scar left is going to be there forever... I dun Noe how long more before the trust needed to bulid back to the past or in fact the bond is always not there.... I seriously dun noe! Suppose i am the one whu needed to change instead and thinking over and over, I now fully get what coach meant...
Strong headed, stubborn and straight forward person will only lead me to more individual rather than .... I am thinking of giving up, need more time to think over! This seems better choice to me :) At least i will have other focus on :) I am tired, seriously tired...
Sometimes i really hate the place i m living now but at times i still consider myself luckly compare to others who are more unfortunate than me! As i have a roof over myself even though is living under someone esle house...
- However this can't change the fact i wanna to leave this house as fast as i could, seriously... My grandma forever think that i am lousy, bad, always playing cause i m a granddaugther not grandson or SON! Damn it i really don't like the way she do things or treat me but i got no choice cause i got no place to move...arrggg, i think i will go crazy soon one day!
--As for my aunt, she bring me up so i m in debt to her which i don't know how much or how long must i take to repaid this long run debt...seems to be endless and now everything we talk about is MONEY! Is a very sensitive issuse now to me, I never like to talk about money yet when i m back in this house, yah that all we can usually talk! What more,I help to paid for the car loan yet i can't use the car, always changing their words just to prevent lending me the car and each time i use i suppose to pump back the petrol! Rrr..... Really can't take it at times, want to just leave this place...If someone will to ask what abt my parents, well to me they are equal to dead, cause they don't bother and not responsible to us. I not blaming them cause now that i can look after myself just feel tired and disappointed! Sometime is best that you don't know your parent past then to know it too well cause more disappointment you will have! Of cause Jealous with ppl have family and i hope to have a happy family where by i can jus depend on them, perhaps if i will to have them, then today won't have this character joyce! Stubborn, Independent...hehe >_< **Perhaps** Anyway This teach me to be never in debt especially to your family members or anyone cause you don't know how much it take to paid back! Just depend on urself that the best... I swear i must work double hard to get out of here ASAP! I wanna a life, a house of my own :)
Tired...Need a shoulder to lean on...
Okie...K4 is seriously tired, tough but the achievement is great! We try on and din manage to capsize cause coach keep warn us, there is two schools out in the water you all don't capsize and make me lose face! Lol... no lah jus kidding. Actually the set where by jing, jelly, aixing n me, i feel tat we did well! We not only coordinate well, in fact we still do a few set of 500m with open 10! lol... Is great i swear! I seriously hope coach will change his mind to let us go for k4 race and in NWCC pls.! I wanna a k4 race! Best if we can win medal & i believe we can. :)
- Today also try different k1 cause coach is going to borrow from Mr chua, my SOT partner. I Have decided which to borrow hope by next sat it can come so i can have enough time to get use to the boat and train whole heart with it instead of always changing boats around! Really thank mr chua so much! Not only lent me but still give me choices to try, hmm...hope i won't let Coach and mr chua nor the team down! I will work hard for this boat de! I not sure but heard is going for two events, 500m n 1000m...gosh i m seriously worried! Not sure m I up to it but coach today debrief is, Mental will destory you before your physical does, so don't give up and have the mindset you will lose even before trying...Not win mean will keep winning, is how much you want it! So I can't give up... I must double work hard now since the chance is given to me!
Now not only Ncc is the upcoming race, There is another waterfest race coming, so team work hard for the race cause not many vacancy available! Fight for what you want and show to coach you want it badly! All the way team...
- Finally head off to a nice lunch at ikea with jing n aixing! Had so much till we are so full... lol
Jus look at how much food we order!
Aixing can really eat junk food more than proper meal! lol...
After a nice lunch, jing drove us to meet tampines for aixing to meet junwei while i jus acc...Boring to go back alone hehe! At the same time watch the guys cut botak! Lol...
Last picture before the hair cut...say good bye
The k2 parnter... Cutting same style
I can't imagine his botak look! haha
Cutting process...
Radom picture while waiting for them! Hey ai xing serious you wanna to go Waterfest? Go NCC with me and jing lah...lol anyway the choice is yours but seriously i wish you can go NCC,but u win at waterfest muz share the cashprice with us :p
Botak Number 1 : Malcom say look like convict lol
Botak number 2: Malcom say look like psycho killer :p
Botak number 3: malcom say look like a actor or wat can't rmb... But jus funny looking i think :0
The botaks in nyp sprint kayaking...Now junwei and Botak shifu can have more Chemistry in boat le since same hairstyle! More love to come >_<
Last one to cut is luqman... He suppose to cut short but see is not nice look so nerdy lo! so we manage to change his mind and....
1,2,3....
There you go... Botak too but we think suit him well...Nice** Very on captain**
Finally... All the botaks in line :P
At last...one week at KKH Obstertics ward 32 is over! 3 more weeks before holiday and my project is pile up left at aside undone! I m dead for sure but now let me tell u my this posting.
Our 'beloved' Clinical Instructor for this ward! She can say from point A to Z! Include her drama family history we all also know already lol, Yesh is tat long winded... *oPps :/ Oh ya and she always have this habbit saying:
You don't perform, i will MINUS your mark! Spoil my mood :( But i suppose i din do badly n of cause i m not the pearl in her eyes...
Inside the nursery...all babies with mummy only left this four...
- Starting we dun really like cause nothing much to do and our lecture keep nagging till we really bored to tears! However We are all attract to the Nursery due to the (babies) inside! hehee...Often we get caught inside and ite lecture also scold n complain abt us to our lecture! So angry with her cause she already say n warn us which i feel is enough n we are not that old to can't understand english...No need to tell our lecturer, but smart our lecturer reply her: Oh okie and I also don't want to complain abt ur students the other day all went inside feed e babies till my students cannot feed! lol i think the ite lecturer muz be boiling water instead! Nice one nyp...lol
The baby's mother allow us and even help us take picture! Little prince(baby boy) Is so cute n he is my infant that i do my infant bathing skill test on:p So much and soft hair, always sleeping! haha seriously he is jus to adorable.
Intro: Julyanna, my ward 32 joker:) She going to cgh next week, sianz :(
-- Overall this posting is consider still fun and nice cause julyanna is my besti for this ward...whereby ppl confuse me as malay n i say no. Then thought she from thailand instead! Confusion...haha funny patient!! As for us Everyday we plan where n wat to eat, complain abt our lect, joke around with other students nurses during break,enjoy the small park romantic lunch and her human walking "ma ma" shop. lol :p Just enjoy her company...Thank gal :)
Well...let the photo do the talking:)
Twins:) We are so excited to take picture cause only can borrow for awhile as this staff allow that we nearly mix up both of them! Half way taking the pic, Maria (Nursing) say, hey which one is L4 or L5... Den we say oh ya hor, mix up already...lol Faster check n put back :)
Haha... trying out the baby stetoscopes, Small diaphgram...(show how bored we are too)
Byebye little prince:)
I love this pic.. So cute!
Julie, maria and me
Me, jin yan n julie... After debrief
ward 32 students nurses
Okie enjoy taking picture most of the time...lol
Next to excite me is tml finally k4! We are coming...haha i pray everything work well for us:)
Today Jing ting is finally back to training with us! She is so white now, so different lol... good for her now tat Her exam are over and is 3months holiday! **jealous... Pray tat she do very well :) Haha At the same time, Training programme today is time trial...Coach wanna to choose people to go for the uo coming race which is NCC(National canoeing championship) whereby many nationals and expert will join i think... haha! Calculate the time left to this event isn't much maybe 1month left! And Unluckly me, i again having attachment...arrrgggg... nvm still i will make time to train and try to win myself another cookie:p
Oh ya and the day of the race i jus happen to know, it fall on the same day as dear birthday! ( 20th and
21st june) Anyway today Did 3 sets of one round sprint and coach will take down the timming.
- First set timing is good only, manage to hit 4:53:++
-Second set, timming drop, hit 5:10:++
-Third set timming, hit 5:01:++
Accurate details to upload once i get from coach! haha
Since coach is so nice to allow us go race, wat my shifu say is rite... i cannot keep choosing, i should jus accept wat coach say and he knows the best :) As for me, i must constanly improve and change my stroke! Now to slack or give myself any more excuses, only to do my best in training! I will de!! in order not to disappoint coach and myself and my team mates!
Coach today told us one story which i feel is true... Win or lose don't matter wat matter is you 'Want' and u train towards it...enjoy the process >_< color="#ff6600">WANT' Wat coach mean is the
WANT to achieve in this sport and how much to gain it! Don't always think that the top will stay on only, you too can make the difference to show instead taking another way out! As for myself I will work hard to achieve 'The
WANT' Coach say...
Seriously i think i want...Plus i going to want it badly! Think over from my last blog,I not going to stop here, limit myself to max Joyce....No matter to studies, or training :p (try my best)heheTo aixing and jing: ai xing you too must jia you and how tough is it hang on there, And rmb u say u will try ur best not to let me catch up while i will do my best to chase after u! And jing mah... you don't need to close up the gap, u train up le sure will be harder for me to chase also! So together we must work hard for NWCC!! (K4) My next aim...hehee :)
The rest of the team... Continue to work hard, have someone u always wan to win n keep chasing after him or her! The further they run is harder to catch so stay close...Jia you all the way team :) Never give up
- One more thing to excite me, for me to look forward for the next coming weekend!!!! Cause we going to bedok to train and try out K4... yesh, i been wanting and waiting for this day. So much wanna to partner aixing, jing ting...Pray tat we can coordinate well and everything turn out to be well and change coach thinking...haha... Jia you okie :)
K4...I will be coming :) hhaha
Team nyp kayaking
Kelvin hse party(late upload pic)
My shifu
Someone who have alot of fighting spirit, always motivated to train up! Continue to jia you wor shifu
Captain luqman and vice captain kun....
Girls team....
I always enjoy this nite.... Crazy yet enjoy to the fullest!
Marcus: Hope u recover well and be back to ur hardcore training with My shifu
How nice... If everything is as simple yet happy like this moment :)
Am i still the one who i use to be...can everything be as simple as i think? Suddenly Take some time off and deep thinking! Looking back...
For the past one year in my poly life, these are the people who i spend most of my time with beside dear and classmate! From this team i learnt alot from each individual ,meet a different coach but both same so soft hearted and experience different feelings compare to Dragonboat!
** But am i enjoying it?... Am i Hungry for more winning? Who can tell me if it still in me? Or is it lost, Totally drained! Nowadays i feel tired more n more easily than before...sickness is coming nearer to me,pain, ache are all over my body now... I wish and hope i can run away from training, finding all type of excuses for myself...All these jus make me start to feel lonely and nothing seems to brighten up my day! Sadness seems to be filling in more faster than i expect... Am I at the right track doing the right things... Do i belong to here or somewhere esle suit me more?? To you i seems jus a threat in all my surrounding?? I don't wish to take up anymore pressure from anything, Can i hope for a peace or jus leave without a words...JOYCE HO Is this wat i really hope for? Really...
I don't wanna to disappoint myself if i choose to let go yet i am afraid I am not up to standard, falling is tough and painful! Don't wish to face all these cause i simply no motivation to move up! Ahead of me, the road seems dark, who can give a lending hands to pull me up! All for their own, in this world only the strongest survice, the weakest are left to die! Is it true about all human? Where is feelings for touch...
Arrgg....
I feel so lost and helpless... Seems like everyday i am in a rush and catching for something! Cause my year 2 teacher speak so fast that i could not follow up alreadY! Now one week 3 of the school yet i can feel the pressure and stress coming from teacher, uncle and myself sometimes even the surrounded friends too... Body is worse, each day i am getting weaker and weaker cause falling sick so easily! I haven fully recover from my flu, sore throat... See doctor which cost me $42bucks!!! Haiz Plus after training i am too tired to continue study at home! Energy bar pls :(
My feelings now: *The higher you climb, the more people below await to see how heavy you fall and never to pick yourself up! oh no....
Gosh i think i am suffering from parnoid schizophrenia!!!
Seriously Worried i can't handle this sem cause having attachment at week 5 and training together must meet my groupmate for 5 project out of 9 subject i am taking which need to hand in when sch reopen at week 11, present on week 14 onwards! exam week 18,19... Arrrgggg....... How how how.! Can i have more time and more brains that can work fast so can't relieve my burden and score well at the same time!
Sometimes i hope or should i say i wish i can swallow down all the books of information...How nice would it be...
Some of my groupmates, boring after too much discussion....therefore must take picture to relax! lol....
Lastly.... I am tired! Tomorrow going to be a long day again cause training follow by kelvin celebration and study! Must start tomorrow, can't afford to slack! All i need now is focus and discipline!
Joyce wake up and jia you...
Sometimes i really hate the place i m living now but at times i still consider myself luckly compare to others who are more unfortunate than me! As i have a roof over myself even though is living under someone esle house...
Team nyp kayaking
Kelvin hse party(late upload pic)
My shifu 
Captain luqman and vice captain kun....
Girls team....
I always enjoy this nite.... Crazy yet enjoy to the fullest!
Marcus: Hope u recover well and be back to ur hardcore training with My shifu
